ABC Announces Its Dancing With the Mediocre Celebrities Cast

When you weren't staring wistfully into the Cro-Magnon eyes of Bachelor Brad Womack last night, you may have caught ABC's announcement of the next cycle of Dancing With the Stars. And then you were all like, "Whaaaa?"

The show will only be living up to three-fourths of its name. I assume there will still be dancing. And the dancing will be "with" people. I'm being generous by allowint the "the," but in no way can this roster full of "who dats?" and has-beens really be considered a list of "stars."

Full disclosure: I've never seen Dancing With the Stars, and nor will I ever, as the show is the equivalent of rubbing raccoon urine into my eyes. But you don't have to watch DWTS to recognize a good crop of attention-starved C-listers. Aside from Christmas and baseball's Opening Day, the DWTS cast announcement is the best day of the year (and I mean that with only 90 percent hyperbole). Who can forget last season's announcement, when the hits just kept coming? There was Mike "The Situation" Jersey Abs Tan, Jennifer Grey's nose job, Michael "Kenny G." Bolton, Satan-spawn Bristol Palin, and David Hasselhoff—who is such a mockery of himself he doesn't even need a nickname. Those once-in-a-lifetimers were bolstered by great supporting names like Margaret Cho, Audrina Patridge, and Brandy. That was a good cast. Ahh, the good old days of last year.

Last night, we got... supremely disappointed with a side of suicide watch. We want spectacle, potential devastation, AND bona fide celebrities. We need gasoline, flamethrowers, and napalm strikes. Instead, ABC gave us a glass of tap water with something floating in it. Ladies and germs, your 2012 Dancing With the Stars contestants:
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Ballroom Dancing - The International Standards

Ballroom Dancing describes partner dances, performed socially or competitively, with prescribed specific movements. It evokes a sense of mystique and elegance if performed socially and of energy and passion when performed competitively.

The word "ball" in Ballroom Dancing comes from not the child's toy but from the Latin word "ballare" meaning to dance. It forms the bases for the words ballet (a dance,) ballerina (a dancer) and ballroom (a room for dancing). Ballroom Dancing was very popular among the English upper class during the late 18th and early 19th centuries, where it referred to almost any type of recreation dancing. By the early 20th century, as it caught the interest of the working class, the term become narrower in scope, with many of the dances dropping out of favour as being 'historical' or 'folk' dances.

By the early 1920's a number of dance societies in both England and America began to offer regulated competitive Ballroom Dancing. They promoted a number of standard dances, with some basic movements that dancers could confidently perform with any partner they might meet. The highly influential Imperial Society of Dance Teachers (later, the Imperial Society of Teachers of Dancing) formed a Ballroom Branch which was instrumental in developing standard dancing styles, which later formed the basis for the International dance standards.

Currently, the term Ballroom Dancing refers to the International Standard dances, which are currently regulated by the WDC (World Dance Council). The International standard comprises the following five dances: the Modern Waltz (also known as the 'slow' or the 'English' waltz); the Viennese Waltz; the Slow Foxtrot; the Tango; the Quickstep.

Sometimes, the term Ballroom Dancing also includes the International Latin style dances, which include: the Samba; the Rumba; the Paso Doble; the Cha-Cha; the Jive.

Both, Modern Ballroom and Latin American Ballroom, dancing styles are well standardized for teaching purposes with a set, internationally recognized vocabulary, technique, rhythm and tempo. The dancing postures for International Latin style varies from dance to dance: some dances require using closed hold, some require partners holding each other with only one hand, few dances require a line of dance and a number of dances have the routines performed on pretty much a single spot.

For the International standard Ballroom dances, the posture requirement is a closed hold (5 points of contact between dancers) during varied tempo (beats per minute) and rhythm (structure). With a set line of dance, this posture provides a very elegant look as the couple floats across the dance floor.
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